“Go somewhere and sit down.” -Black Proverb
Capitalism got us all effed the eff up.
I’m a Type 1 on the Enneagram scale. (If you haven’t checked out yours, here’s a free test) which means that duty, following rules and “doing what’s right” are my default setting.
Frankly, it’s exhausting.
My toxic trait is putting off anything pleasurable, or even slightly indulgent (see: eating, drinking water, going for a walk) until what needs to get done, gets done.
I get hyper-focused on a task and have an insanely strong compulsion to complete the loop.
“Burnout is more of an issue of poor energy management and low clarity than of over-giving.”
I’m weird, I understand that. My type of crazy—everyone has a type of crazy— combines a perfectionist with OCD, general anxiety, ISTJ and a lot of ancestral guilt of succeeding cause they couldn’t.
It also helps that I’m good at what I do, and when I’m not good, I won’t stop until I’m great.
I’m society’s voluntary worker bee and main supporter of getting ish done.
It’s gross, but here we are.
I drank the Kool-Aid.
I was under the impression that rest came after, and only after, you “finished.”
Finished what you ask? Bish, it feels like life in general, cause there’s always something to do.
There was one full week in 2021 where I worked 4 different jobs. Here’s what I learned about myself and rest:
Working hard does not a martyr make: I can’t choose to work myself to the bone, till I’ve got nothing left in the tank, then be in a bad mood, or irritable or absent from the people in my life who love me. Over-working doesn’t make you a saint, it makes you foolish and short-sighted.
“Over-working doesn’t make you a saint, it makes you foolish and short-sighted. ”
It’s a thankless job: Most employers, especially in the fast-paced world of tech marketing, don’t care how fast you got it done, or that you skipped dinner, and 1—ok, 2— showers to finish the project with lightning speed. You’ll be lucky if they even remember to acknowledge the ping on Slack with a generic yellow thumbs-up emoji!
Who am I doing this for, cause these heauxs don’t care about moi!
What’s the point of earning a lot of money if you’re too tired or too busy to spend it: I made more money in 2021 than I thought possible in Spain. (It’s 100% because I stopped working for Spanish companies lol sry, ilysm) But like, I was working 7 days a week, spending any second I wasn’t physically at my desk, staring at Slack like a photo of Jason Mamoa in an unnecessarily tight pink suit. Thirsty. Desperate. Unhealthy. lol My salary legit collected dust in my bank account because a) pandemic and b) busy, tired and distracted.
(American) Capitalism is ghetto: It’s a flawed system that tells you to work hard, take no days off; have kids, but don’t stop working at the same rate and capacity as you did pre-children; buy this double-bacon, five-cheese burgernator and a $15 cocktail, but don’t you dare ever get sick; and if you’re lucky, Medicare will give you $700 a month when you turn 71 and maybe you can retire in Boca Raton, Florida. Like, boo… that’s not the dream, it’s a nightmare.
You can’t earn rest: This was the biggest lesson. You are not deserving of sleep, or a day off, or a long lunch without your phone glued to your side. It’s your right. It’s my right to rest because without it, I am nothing.
Do you all not realize what happens when you sleep?
These are only a few notes, find the rest here.
You can’t earn rest. You can’t earn rest. You can’t earn rest.
Please, say that to yourself as many times as you need for it to truly sink in.
If anything, rest is an investment in yourself and your future.
How have these observations changed my life?
No more guilt
More naps
More frolicking for no reason
Not feeling the need to answer every ping, or every email immediately
Addressing my scarcity mentality and trusting that all is well, and all will be well.
Reminding myself: you cannot earn rest.
