Photo by Tim Umphreys
Puppy, please let me sleep? Pretty please…
They make it all seem so straightforward: you fall in love with a rescue dog, maybe you think about i for a few weeks, and then next thing you know you're now dog owners and new puppy parents.
What most Netflix rom-coms fails to mention about adopting a young pup (or even adult dogs) is that first time puppy parents really do struggle with feeling overwhelmed. I want to share a bit of my journey with the newest family member to join the squad. Although it has been a complete emotional roller coaster, I'm so grateful for my support system, because without them I'd be (even more of) a wreck.
How to adopt a new puppy:
I'm not new to dog ownership, in fact I adopted M about 2.5 years ago.
Let me tell you, after they made M, they broke the mold! Within a few days, not only did M know his name, he was basically potty trained, sleeping through the night and excelling in his puppy classes. What a complete and total dream!
We adopted a dog in Madrid. We went through an adoption agency / NGO called "Nueva Vida Adopciones." First you check their website or Facebook page, then you fill out a very long and thorough application, and if you're selected, you can pick up your new pup from its foster home.
Something similar happened with S, our new puppy. Facebook, then application. The one thing we did differently was reach out to M's previous handler to see if he was still available.
30 minutes later, I received a call telling me I'd received exactly what I wanted: a new puppy! Naturally, panic followed.
What do I do about crate training? Do we need to hire our dog trainer again? How much were those puppy training classes? And oh the dreaded uphill battle that is potty training...
Since M was full-grown, our house was not puppy-ready in the slightest. In fact, frankly we were slacking. M had become such a part of our lives that adding a new puppy--in the next 3 hours--seemed ridiculous and impractical.
But, that's the thing about the universe, no? You ask for something and you can't always choose when it happens. So from 12h to 15h we went from being dog owners of one to dog owners of two just like that!
How to know if you're ready to adopt a new puppy:
Young puppies are a lot of work, and any honest dog owner will tell you that. There's no perfect time, although I don't recommend the route we took with only 1 hour's notice. That's pure chaos.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself when deciding whether or not to add a new puppy or dog to your family:
Do you have other dogs? How will your current fur family member respond or react to the changes?
Do you have the space in your flat or home to make sure they're comfortable?
Are you prepared for the new financial expenses?
Where will your new puppy sleep? Who will be responsible for crate training your new puppy?
Will you invest in puppy training classes?
Do you have a support system or other new puppy owners to rely on?
Are you ready to dedicate time, energy and money into puppy development?
Will you keep your puppy forever, or feel overwhelmed?
What is puppy blues?
First, I'm so glad this has a name because for the first few weeks I was feeling totally unsure of myself. I thought I'd made a huge mistake and I felt like a bad, bad person for resenting my new family member. Puppy blues is something many pet owners grapple with, but so few talk about because no one wants to be the a-hole giving the evil eye to this ball of fur and love. I've spoken to other puppy owners, and knowing I'm not the only one really helps. This is why I'm writing this post.
Puppy blues is a feeling of depression, irritability and overall s*it mood from all the newness that comes from adding a new element into your already established life routines. It's post puppy depression and yes, it can and does affect your mental health. No matter how much you adore your new dog, there are certain aspects of puppy ownership that no one can avoid. All the research in the world cannot prepare you for the sleepless nights, all the toilet breaks and toilet training.
Side note: I feel like new parents of human babies are rolling their eyes hardcore, but yeah, there are quite a few similarities between puppies and babies.
What causes puppy blues?
If you're like me, when you bring your puppy home you're full of buzzy energy and wonder and gushy love. A few days later, the shine may have worn off as you're up to your elbows in pee and poo.
I love my new dog, but I also love sleep. And when I don't get enough proper, quality sleep it leads to me feeling overwhelmed and negatively affects my mental health.
The main cause of puppy blues is sleep deprivation. Until your new dog is properly crate trained, they may not sleep through the night. Their bladders are not super large at this point so you'll have to wake up often for potty breaks.
Your new dog will also be feeling overwhelmed in a new environment away from its mom and littermates, so they'll cry. This cry is supposed to have an affect on the human brain. Just like human babies when they cry. We have evolved side-by.side with dogs for thousands of years, so they know how to read us, and unfortunately how to get what they want from us too...
The fact that your new dog gives you those puppy eyes, floopy ears and a kiss is not an accident. It's evolution, y'all! Stay woke! lol.
Your little puppy will feel anxious when left alone, and would almost always rather be playing with you than alone in its crate.
Puppy depression also happens because of potty training. In Europe, having a hard isn't as common in big cities like in other countries, so what do you do? You invest in puppy pads until your fully-vaccinated puppy or dog can safely go outside to do its business. That can take 3 months.
With S, the sleep deprivation was immediate: he'd wake up at 2am, 3am, 5am and 7am for potty breaks. Since he couldn't get off the couch on his own, we'd need to wake up and put him on the puppy pad or else... you can imagine. After a few weeks, I'm happy to say he can jump off the couch, but not on it. Progress!
Adult teeth! So, we adopted S at 5 weeks which is arguably too young, but he was rejected by his mom, and the case was semi-urgent. That means we'll have two teeth experiences: his puppy teeth coming in, and his adult teeth.
Puppies bite a lot, and that doesn't feel nice. The only option to soothe your puppy's teething is distraction with a puppy safe toy.
Personally my post puppy depression happened because of the Guantanamo-like whining at 2am (and 3, and 4 and 5). It sounds urgent and panicked. I worried about our neighbors calling in a complaint, or feeling suspicious as if we were hurting him.
Every new dog blog will tell you that you should teach your dog how to self-soothe. That means letting them cry, and you suffering in the meantime. Obviously, I want to raise a good dog who is self-sufficient and fearless and obedient, so I try to keep my puppy safe and follow recommended practices.
3 tips for crate training
Make it as positive an experience as possible. Give them treats inside, feed them inside, or add some of their favorite toys.
Put something that smells like you, or their litter / mom inside so that it feels more familiar.
I added a soft blanket over the top to decrease visual stimulation.
Post puppy depression: The good news
Things move fast with new puppies and each cycle lasts no more than a few weeks. Your puppy or dog grows and learns very fast, so all of it is temporary. Puppy blues included. There's professional help if you need it.
There's a reason that dog trainers exist. It's not shameful to seek professional help especially in the early weeks. Puppy care is not always intuitive, so ask questions and be open to adapting to what you learn. Just a few weeks ago I was sleeping on the couch every night, now I can sleep in my bed! Does S still feel anxious? Sometimes. But it's just a chapter of this beautiful creature's life, not the whole story. Also, looking back sleeping on the couch with S I'm sure was part of our bonding process.
M, the older dog, has really adapted well to our new family member, all things considered. Adopting S so young means we're there to witness all his developmental milestones too. Puppy blues is temporary, or at least that's what I keep telling myself.
Adjusting to a new dog is a process and any changes--abrupt or not--can affect your overall mental health. Just keep in mind that while it's similar to baby blues; puppy blues lasts a fraction of the time which usually makes me feel better!
