Photo by Jessica Felicio
You can keep it, Karen.
I’ve been Black a long time, and I’ve heard a lot of mess.
I’ve been Black in Chicago. I’ve been Black in a super conservative, red state. I’ve been Black in South America. I’ve been Black on an island. I’ve been Black in Europe.
None of these experiences are exactly the same. Here are some things I’m pretty much tired of hearing + explaining.
1: My ancestors didn’t own slaves!
I’m coming in hot, I know. Why am I tired of hearing this? Because it literally doesn’t matter to me. White Americans benefit—whether they want to or not— from the institutions built around, and for them.
If other groups of people are judged as a whole, and treated based on the perceptions, limited understanding, and stereotypes of others (ironically, usually by White people), I can’t for the life of understand why White people would expect—no, demand— anything different.
2: You’re not Black, Black
WTF does this even mean, though? And why is it always phrased as a compliment, as if being Black were something I’d ever, EVER be ashamed of? Also, it’s completely negating the fact that there’s no one way to be Black. No, thank you.
I am Black. It is not a choice, but if it were, you better believe I’d choose to be Black all over again.
3: Racist. It’s such an ugly word.
Words aren’t ugly; nevertheless, being called a racist is never as hurtful or offensive as the person experiencing racism. If someone goes as far as to point out your behavior as racist or problematic in any way, before reacting or defending yourself, remember that their feelings matter just a bit more than your aversion to “ugly words”.
4: I have Black friends!
Cool! Me too! And I promise you, if you feel the need to count them— or keep a prepared running tab of them— they wouldn’t want to be used for whatever foolery just came out of your mouth (or what is about to escape your lips). This sentence is not a panacea. Also, you sound silly AF.
5: Look! I’m almost as Black as you! *compares tan to my natural skin*
¡Hombre! Pasar unos días en la playita no quiere decir que seas negra, ni que entiendas lo que significa ser una persona racializada. I hear this one at least 2-3 times a year while living in Spain, and it never fails to annoy me. Girl, like, how do I respond to this? It’s such an unnecessary and awkward conversation to have.
6: I wish I had your [insert random physical feature]
I know.
7: Black people don’t get sunburn.
Incorrect.
Misinformation like this is one reason there’s such a huge disparity in the treatment of Black people (especially Black womxn). This is on par with “Black people have thicker skin” and “Black people have a higher pain tolerance.” It’s wrong. It’s antiquated. It’s not a good look. Fix it. People are literally dying.
8: I really want to go to Africa
My knee jerk reaction is always to say, “and people in hell want ice water!” That’s totally besides the point, however, so I digress.
I suppose this annoys me because for so long Africa has been described as, and referred to, as one place. Like, one country versus 54 countries (+ Somaliland and Western Sahara) and it irks me. Also, do you know how long it would take you to properly visit 54 countries? Be specific.
9: I’m so into Black guys
That’s super cute for you! But, I think that’s more of a conversation for you and your therapist, no? While I’m here, please don’t tell me that I’d have such cute interracial babies either, cause that’s also creepy and problematic.
10: I’m sorry.
Keep it! You can keep this weird, semi-empty, but almost well-intentioned apology for yourself. What good does you being sorry do for me? For others? Words without action are meaningless.
Don’t be sorry. Get fed up. Get out of your own head. Get off your sofa. Get on the phone with your congressmen. Get out and get on the front lines.
*Author’s note: I feel like this is a list that will continue to grow. If you see a part II, don’t be surprised.
