Photo by Gemma Chua-Tran
Shall we… Zoom?
What the EFF Happened?
One day I was attending concerts, going to poetry readings, inviting friends to coffee, and taking weekend trips, and next thing I knew I was holed up in my flat, having full conversations with my dog, doomscrolling wearing gray leggings day after day after day (after day).
Relationships have changed.
And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don’t know if things will ever “get back to the way they were”, so the sooner I adjust my thinking to that, the better!
Our relationships exist via Wi-Fi
Talk about evolving at the speed of light! I was just getting the hang of meme culture when the shift happened. 98% of my interactions with other human beings occur online at the moment.
The good part? I’m safe. They’re safe. We both have wi-fi.
The bad part? We’ve lost the full spectrum of body language. Only two of our senses are engaged: sight and sound, versus smell and touch. Communication needs to be even clearer to account for the lack of tone, context and body language too, which for someone with anxiety—social and otherwise—is a nightmare!
How many emails have I re-written to tone police myself, only then to sweep over with a fine-tooth comb for any unintentionally aggressive punctuation marks!
Too. Dang. Many.
This is all without mentioning the technical side: lags in speech due to poor connection, awkward frozen moments on screen, the far-too-common “you’re on mute” moments, and how to say goodbye via Zoom. (My God, how can it be that someone always gets cut off mid-sentence!?)
Photo by Omar Lopez
How to Start Forming Genuine Connections Online:
Unless you plan to scream at the screen for the rest of the year—which ok, totally understandable— it’s time to find ways to continue being social, while also being socially responsible.
Go Where your People Go
Are you a Pinterest person? An Instagram goddess? A Twitter-finger queen? Are you a tried and true Facebook Stan? Start there.
Once you are on the “right” platform, narrow your search even more. All of the platforms I mentioned above have a search a feature as well as a way to search by hashtags, or groups, or locations. Choose which you think is most important.
Location searches are great because (eventually) you’ll be able to meet if you’re closer. That said, searching by hashtags means you get people who are interested in similar things, use similar language and are less restricted by zip code!
Start the Conversation
Would you walk into a crowded room in real life, and simply stand in the corner saying nothing? Probably (hopefully) not. So don’t treat the internet like that!
One thing to keep in mind: the internet is crowded AF, and it’s easy to be invisible if you don’t speak up. Don’t be afraid to start the conversation. Compliment their hair or outfit, ask a question about their caption, share a related anecdote.
Go beyond the double tap.
Be Vulnerable
If someone is putting themselves out there to the proverbial crowd, the least you can do is also share. I get it, we’re all a teency-weency bit traumatized after one too many seasons of MTV’s Catfish. And let’s be real here, the internet has more than its fair share of creeps.
All that to say: real recognize real.
Use your better judgment. Most times, it’s just people, looking to connect with other people. When it’s not, though, block. those. hoes!
Be Consistent
You wouldn’t plan a hang out with someone, then bail, would you?
Same rules apply for online friendships. If you show them value and importance, others will too! If you have a Zoom sesh planned, make sure you’re there… with bells on! Still make that effort.
Manners don’t go out the window just because we’re on Al Gore’s internet, bruh.
Be polite. Say please, say hello, say thanks, and not just a praying hands emoji. lol.
Creative Ways to Feel Connected in Online Friendships:
Use your words: Write a heartfelt post about a friend, or send them a message.
Go old school: send your online friend a post card or write them a letter! There’s nothing like receiving shoes, I mean letters, in the mail!
Put it on the calendar: set a time for your hangouts so that you prioritize this relationship.
Amaz*on: I know it might be the devil, but sending a friend a gift via *cough* Amaz*n with its next day delivery is such a fun treat!
Book it: Send your friend a book either physical, or electronic, and start your own book club!
All ears: Have a listening party where you listen to a new album, drink a glass or four, of wine, and discuss all your feelz afterwards!
Just turn the camera on: You call can cook together, watch a movie together, organize a beer tasting, heck! you can work out together! Just having that face time, and creating those new experiences is a beautiful thing.
This is how we stay human.
Ok! Go get ‘em tiger! Oh! Don’t forget to unmute yourself!
