Photo by freddie marriage
A change is gonna come regardless, so why do we fight it?
Change is scary, and that’s a science fact.
Our brains thrive in environments where routine and consistency are the norm. In fact, some neuroscience research suggests that our brains, at first glance, register change as an error. No wonder we’re so hesitant to order from “the new guy”. Will they know the correct layering order for our go-to burrito bowl?
We fear change because we can’t anticipate the outcome and frankly, that’s terrifying.
Our brains would rather deal with a predictable, known, negative outcome than take a risk at a completely unknown one. Think about it this way: is there an ache or pain you have—a creaky knee, a twinge in your back when you sit a certain way, a rolled ankle that never fully healed— that you’ve simply trained your mind and body to work around?
It’s curious. Not only are our brains hardwired to resist change, our brains are built to be adaptable and flexible if we train them.
“But what if that’s the key… Simply reminding ourselves that good—better yet, great— things are equally, if not more probable than the terrible catastrophic hypotheticals we’ve concocted in our minds?”
Our brains like control.
So when we remove that sensation that we are in the driver’s seat, all hell breaks loose. I suppose, as someone who speaks very openly about anxiety and worry, I take solace in knowing that our brains truly do crave routine, and my fear of the unknown is backed by both the worries that wake me up at 2 a.m. and neuroscience. Yay?
Can I blame the culture?
In the West, impermanence is not really discussed. In fact, we do everything in our power to keep things the same. Think: botox to look 22 when you’re actually 42. We resist change tooth and nail unless… unless… there’s some indication that what is to come is better than what is.
This is why we have such a hard time closing chapters and moving on whether it’s after a job or a relationship. Peeking around the corner to see what comes next is daunting, so many people—myself included at times-opt to stay where they are, or rehash old stories because the familiarity brings (albeit, toxic) peace.
Change is scary because we’d rather sit in our poo-poo pants because we know what to expect, than take a gamble and open ourselves up to a huge, unknown world of possibilities. Since it’s our brain’s job to protect us and prepare us for any potentially harmful situations, most people lean towards the negative when speculating about the unknown.
When was the last time you heard someone say: “I just got divorced! How cool is that! Can’t wait to meet my soul mate. I’m sure it’ll happen sooner than later!” without an ounce of irony?
But what if that’s the key…
Simply reminding ourselves that good—better yet, great— things are equally, if not more probable than the terrible, catastrophic hypotheticals we’ve concocted in our minds?
5 ways to overcome fear of change
Avoid extremes: contrary to every single self-help magazine cover, you do NOT have to have your life figured out in the next 7.5 minutes. Break your decisions down into small, bite-sized pieces.
Have some perspective: If you were born after the year 1985, you probably have a flair for the dramatic… read: perpetual millennial angst. Remember that a story is not a chapter, and a chapter is not a book. A sentence can end, but that doesn’t mean the book is finished.
3. What if 2.0: Let’s make the question “What if it works out?” the go-to instead of what if everything falls to pieces. I promise it’ll make whatever you’re looking forward to seem that much more attractive.
4. Write it out: Write down your worst case scenario on paper with pen where it’s safely removed from your brain, then ask yourself: ok, then what? Ask yourself what about this scenario is actually within your control, and if it really is as bad as the story you’ve been telling yourself.
5. Be afraid, and do it anyway: Fear is a completely valid emotion, and we shouldn’t try to bury it away and pretend it doesn’t exist.
Reminder:
Impermanence is the only constant. Whether those changes are surface-level, microscopic or staring you straight in your face, they’re happening. The more you resist, the less energy you have to put towards adapting to the newness.
