Photo by Kim Carpenter
“I’m not bossy. I’m the boss”—IYKYK
What is Imposter Syndrome?
I would like to start out by telling you all what it’s not. Imposter Syndrome is NOT a mental illness, nor is it a disease. (*breathes sigh of relief*) It’s a collective phenomenon described and shared by people all over the world, across generations, race, sexual orientation and age; although, minorities and women tend to experience it in higher degrees.
It’s a term which was coined by two American psychologists, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, in 1978 which refers to a nagging feeling of inadequacy, self-doubt, or feeling that you don’t belong, or are unworthy. (Source)
Why do minorities, BIPOC and women experience Imposter Syndrome more than others?
These are the groups which have historically and, very intentionally, been excluded from certain spaces. When a woman, or differently abled person breaks into a sector which was once “off-limits” to them, they may be met with hostility, indifference, skepticism, or aggression.
There tends to be a focus on questions like:
How did you get the job?
Why are you here?
Who do you know?
What are your qualifications?
Are you a diversity hire?
And less focus on making the person feel welcome, included and like a valuable member of the team.
There’s seriously no feeling like walking into a crowded room, looking around at blank, blinking faces; the record scratches, everything comes to a halt; you look around and see no one who looks even remotely familiar, and then you hear someone whisper these dreaded 5 words: “she doesn’t even go here!”
Now imagine this is your place of work, and you have to show up every day with a smile, and an unrelenting drive to prove yourself, although you being hired in the first place should be enough.
Whew, chi-le! Shit’s exhausting.
“Imposter Syndrome is not about confidence or self-esteem. It’s about being told over and over again that you don’t belong, and that you’re not welcome, and trying your best not to believe this narrative. ”
What does Imposter Syndrome feel like?
Feeling like a fraud:
You got the job. You scored the promotion. You earned the raise. You should be happy, right? Instead you feel like you’re on borrowed time, and waiting for the other shoe to drop. You think: “any minute now, they’re going to find me out, and I’ll get sacked.”
“There’s a difference between being modest, and literally watering-down your intelligence. Stop saying “I think” when you KNOW. ”
Needing to downplay your expertise:
You know you’re the shit and yet, when asked, you’re coy, obnoxiously modest, and tack on an “I think” or a superfluous “maybe” at the end of your valid, and thought-out observations. There’s a difference between being modest, and literally watering-down your intelligence.
Constantly undervaluing your work or your worth:
I used to laugh at the Internet meme: “Lord please give me the confidence of a basic, average white man” but now, it simply makes me scoff.
First off, using whiteness as a benchmark for greatness is not my ministry. Additionally, I’d never strive for that level of undeserved praise because I know what I’m worth. (We all know that underneath their meat-suits, most Wall Street robots are frat boys prone to toddler-like tantrums with ma-jor mommy issues, but I digress).
Undervaluing your work means not charging in accordance to the quality you deliver. It’s offering to do something for free so as not to rock the boat, instead of politely giving them your price list for services offered.
Famous people experience Imposter Syndrome too!
“The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of: ‘I’m a fraud! Oh God, they’re onto me! I’m a fraud!’” - Tina Fey
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“Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody.”- Maya Angelou
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”Every time I was called on in class, I was sure that I was about to embarrass myself. Every time I took a test, I was sure that it had gone badly. And every time I didn’t embarrass myself — or even excelled — I believed that I had fooled everyone yet again. One day soon, the jig would be up … This phenomenon of capable people being plagued by self-doubt has a name — the impostor syndrome. Both men and women are susceptible to the impostor syndrome, but women tend to experience it more intensely and be more limited by it.”- Sheryl Sandberg
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”I am not a writer. I’ve been fooling myself and other people.” - John Steinbeck
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“I still sometimes feel like a loser kid in high school and I just have to pick myself up and tell myself that I’m a superstar every morning so that I can get through this day and be for my fans what they need for me to be."- Lady Gaga
The 5 Types of “Imposters” in Imposter Syndrome:
The Perfectionist:
Although they meet 99% of their goal, it’s that nagging 1% that leaves them feeling like a straight-up failure. The smallest mistake makes them question their self-competence and leads them to a downward spiral of self-doubt.
The Expert:
This person is constantly seeking a new certification, or a title to justify on paper just how awesomely qualified they are. They will not—under any circumstance— apply for a job if they do not meet the qualifications. They also will not speak up in a meeting unless they’re 100% sure of themselves and their answer.
The “Natural Genius”:
I call this one “the bubble” (it’s a 30 Rock reference. If you get it, message me. We may be best friends, and not even know it). These are the people who by natural talent, luck, favor (amen!) or whatever other perfect concoction of privilege and timing, have not had to face any friction whilst climbing the ladder. When they reach a hiccup, their sand castle crumbles and they wonder why they’re there.
The Solo-Dolo:
This is the person who will turn down help in order to prove that they can do it all on their own. They often get burnt out quicker than others, and take on more than they can carry in an attempt to show they’re capable. This is not sustainable, and they know it. Nevertheless, as they view asking for help as a sign of weakness, they push on, alone. Ridin’ solo stylez.
The Superhero:
This is someone who has to show that they can balance home, work, family and friends (and do it well) to feel validated. By doing it all, they prove their competence and their worth. By doing it all, they are also rushing head-first towards exhaustion, but that’s non of my business. I’ll just leave this here: learning to prioritize is a valuable skill.
(Source: Dr. Valerie Young)
Photo by Leon Ell'
BIPOC + Imposter Syndrome:
This is such a difficult subject to discuss in one post because it’s complex. I mean, there’s racism, ageism, ableism, misogyny, as well as respectability politics. I’ve got time, but not that much time today (more posts soon come).
What I can say is, I get it. Existing in traditionally hostile spaces feels like a constant uphill battle. Having to constantly “prove our worth” when it should be more than clear what we bring to the table is disheartening and exhausting.
I don’t have a cure. I don’t have a fast fix.
What I can suggest is the following:
- Have people on your team who know you, and hype you up
- Hype your own damn self up!
- Remember why you’re here. It’s not to dance for them à la shuck and jive, it’s to do the job you were hired to do.
- Focus on facts, not feelings. The fact is that you’re capable. You’re knowledgable. You’re deserving.
- Remember: they don’t have to like you for you to be good at your job. Their opinions of you, their assumptions, their whispers do not have to shape your reality.
- Instead of asking yourself what a basic white dude-bro would do, ask yourself what Beyoncé (or Rihanna or Michelle) would do, and do that instead.
